Little do you know how much you really are (in a non negative way)

other first grade teacher " I, pick up the cracker pieces"

I- "I don't want to be your teachers servant"

The best part of that statement.... I make my kids do pointless jobs for me ALL day long. Pick that trash up, put the stapler away for me, I am quite demanding of them. By demanding I mean, I am lazy and make them do things. They are still in that stage of "I will do anything to please my teacher", so I figure I will just enable that feeling all I can.

Cent Confusion..

Here is a fact about school.. I get SO SO tired of doing calendar with my class. I have them fill in their own calendar folders, we change and add to it as the year goes on, yet it still is so repetitive that by the end of the year I choose a student to lead it and I sit as far away as I can to still maintain the appearance that I am listening. I have even been known to be on my laptop writing emails while calendar is going on.

Since I don't enjoy it most days, sometimes I point out things to make it more entertaining. So today when we were putting up a nickel (we put up a penny for each day @ school, then trade up) I asked if anyone knew who was on the nickel. I think one person said Jefferson so we talked about that. I then showed the back of the coin and said "does anyone know where this is ?". No one responds other than to give me a blank stare. I then say "This is where Thomas Jefferson lived". K pipes up "oh... the temple ?"
Nope K, but it is quite spacious and grand....

Brutal Honesty

This past week I have been on outside duty before and after school. So I stand in the front of the school while people drop off. I make sure cars stay in the pick up and drive through lanes, and watch out for those crazy children who think it is a good idea to dart through two lanes of traffic to the parking lot on the other side (including one of my students, but that's another story). As I stand there @ the end of the day waiting for the last few students to get picked up I was talking to a first grader who is in another class.

1st grader "Miss Van Tassell do you have any kids ?"
Me- "Nope, I am not married"
1st grader- "Do you have any kids ?"
Me- "No, I am not married"
1st Grader- "Well do you want kids ? I know one for sale"
Me- "Really ? Who is it ?"
1st Grader- "My sister. My mom says she is driving her crazy. You can have her"

I wonder what she would have charged me for a only child existence ?

Bilingual Lessons

 KM "How do you know spanish ?" (mouth gaping in surprise that I actually know something)
 Me- "I just do"
 IK "I know spanish...ohglgahg gula... Hola Amigo, Hola Amigo, Hola Amigo "(WILL NOT STOP CHANTING)
Me- "Please stop and finish your math"

Side note- when I took ESL two years ago they told me to never speak the  child's native language b/c then they will not be motivated to learn English. So way to listen to instructional advice...

We might just make it after all...

This isn't something that someone said but as I sit here with ten minutes to recess, it's the thought that came to my head. After 6 days we are actually listening to directions. I feel like doing the Mary Tyler Moore jump for joy, while singing the above song. If you don't know what I am talking about, please google "Mary Tyler Moore opening credits" and you will then know...

Gender Confusion

Today was "Meet The Teacher" day. My kids come one @ a time, see their desks, I show them where to line up etc... great excitement. One of my students comes in and says
 S- " You are not a man ? Someone told me a man was my teacher, but you're not a man"

I just laughed but I think the mom was concerned the daughter had offended me. So to diffuse the situation the mom says "well maybe b/c of your name ?"

So my I may have been confused with a guy, but @ least it was because of my name, not my looks...

Last Day...

MP"You can't have forever recess, you will die"
DR"Yeah you will run out of strength"
AS"Maybe if I die I can go to heaven and be an Avatar"
 ? ( I can't remember, I was trying to type so fast) "That's not funny dude, those are humans"
 RB"Why are we talking about Avatars ? Seriously ?"

Three Days is three too many...

How many times do I have to say something ? I swear I am talking to a wall.... that's all really...

First Grade Gestapo @ it's finest....

When I am pulling people to read I have two kids that are the "center sheriff", and they can pass out "cowhand cash". This is center sheriff D said to M today...

"Here is a dollar for acting propriately... now don't punch anyone again "

Church and State

D, wandering the room and talking to me

"Did you know that I know spanish ? like blanco, rojo.... Did you know our mom's and dad's made us from eggs ? And that we are all sisters and brothers ? We need to treat each other like that, or else we won't be able to return to live with our father. You know.. Heavenly Father ?"

good thing no one else was listening... or I was Jewish...

Field Trip Funnies

1 is actually funny, while 2 is more funny in a " I am laughing but a little creeped out inside"

1- After 40 minutes of wandering the Beane Museum (which is just like a natural history museum, all stuffed creatures), two children are looking @ stuffed birds.

Child 1- "Look at that bird on it's side, it's sleeping"
Child 2 (with the heartbreaking bluntness of a 7 year old)- "No.... it's dead"


2- On the way home, with her dad sitting next to her. T- "Miss Van Tassell, my dad thinks' your fine !!". If only I wanted to date someone who:
- was wearing a bandana and football jersey
-has tattoos all up his arm
- sat under a tree and read a book while he was supposed to be eating lunch with his group
-(word on the school grapevine)was in prison last year
-makes no attempt to control their child, or even send his child to school most days
-was not one iota embarrassed or tried to stop his daughter, just simply stared @ me (thank goodness for sunglasses so he couldn't see where I was looking).

Well yes he does but...

a shirt worn by E

"Jesus Has Skills"
Bright blue shirt, HUGE white letters

Friendship by guilt...

Mystery student who I have forgotten, said from across the room
" I don't want to be by D"
D looks across the room and looks about to cry
Mystery Student- "well D is my best friend, so of course I want to sit by him"

If I only knew...

As we are working on Mother's Day projects

A- "Are you making a project for your mom ?"
Me- "Nope"
A- " Are you making one for yourself ? Are you a mother ?"
Me- "No I am not"
A- "Why not ?"
she had such a cute look of shock on her face. If only I knew A, if only I knew why...

Rainy Day Gem

D-"Oh no... they have to go pay your Texas"

Talking about "Robin Hood", meaning they have to pay taxes. Wouldn't life be better if no one had to pay our texas ?

It's going to be a long three months

The joy of year round- I was off from March 5th to April 6th. I got to go to Disneyland, to Virginia to visit my nieces and nephew, lounge about, not grade etc....

The problem- It sucked all the motivation out of me. Since we have been back I have to make myself stay till contract time and DRAG myself out of bed and NEVER want to grade or plan. I mean I NEVER want to grade but this is worse then normal. I have put it off for "one more day" for so long that this weekend was the first time I had graded since we came back. That is horrible !

Also atrocious is my lack of remembering to do things for school. My poor bag is loaded every day b/c I take things home, and never get them out, then they come back to school and the cycle is repeated. My poor sight word mom has been waiting for copies for weeks and I didn't even send home a reminder note about the Science Fair last week... oops !

Also not helping- the pool @ my parents is almost done. I sit on the back porch and gaze into it and dream of swimming my whole summer away. I think I have to make myself stay now... I will stay even less when it is available. I say I will come early but anyone who knows me knows that will never happen. It's going to be a long three months....

Return of the First Graders...

I am partially annoyed to be back @ school, but really after a month I was excited to see my little class again. So that I could hear such tidbits as this.

A-"You know what I've been wondering about the zoo ? Like how do they catch tigers or wolves for the zoo ?"
B- "Oh yeah, I wonder too"
A-" I think they spy on them with a little net, and they reach out quick and grab them really quick. I keep changing my mind."
B- "Like you just did ?"

How does B know that A changed her mind ? They crack me up...

Candy is Sweeter but Liquor is Quicker...

4th grade student- "Oh...cool phone.... I have a cooler phone though..."
Me- "Thank you, now go get back to work"
4th grader- " Yeah...mine has a touch screen... it has Jack Daniels on the cover... you know.. alcohol...." goes back to his desk singing some tune about liquor that I have yet to hear in life...

Rapping helps with Spelling

I am not happy to be substituting, but it is a necessary evil. I am making myself (and believe me with the MWC tournament on today it was a major push) sub so that a week from today I will be off to Virginia.

The good thing about substituting ? Well there are a few but the one I am enjoying today ? Internet access. When you sub @ schools' other then your own I have no world wide web to while away the time. It's a double edged sword though b/c I know the teacher so I feel more of an obligation to be a good sub. Now that I have said internet I can share with you the gem that I heard yesterday in a 6th grade class.

" Dude it's easy ! Florida.. like Flo- Rida (a rap star)" " Oh... ! Got it !"

I can't believe I forgot about this trick...

Magic Tree House (or any book on cd) is like heroin to my first graders. I put on the cd and tell them to work on spelling and they have NEVER been so quiet... it is a modern day miracle. I need to do this more often...

Why my life is lucky (for once)..

If I still taught at my old school, I would be doing this (Parent Teacher Conferences) tonight. Which would make me HATE my principal even more. Why ? Because instead I will be here, (Huntsman Center)hoping my team pulls a major upset.. go Utes ! I will also (as my sis in law says) "keeping my spotters out" for the following...

Drca behind the back moves (and typical turnovers)
Henderson shooting 3's (even when he perhaps shouldn't) and being incredibly cocky (even when he perhaps shouldn't)
RAGE toward all blue wearing fans and players
extreme rage toward Donkey boy, Jimmer and JT
Carlon Brown's grumpy bear face

This and many other things await me... why isnt' the day over already ? Oh and I tried to put tried to be a cool linker and put photos but I am not that cool... so you will have to settle for 3 photos of Boylen and his many emotions...

I spoke too soon...

C "I accidentally spilled some counters and I even said I was sorry, and D still called me a chucklehead"
oh the agony of name calling at seven...just wait till the older grades...

Monday Morning never goes fast enough...

I wish I had something to entertain, but alas it is just Monday morning and nothing humorous has occurred. T (aka the bane of my existence) is not here... can't you sense me breathing a sigh of GREAT relief ?

Presidential Music

I decided just in case I ever get sued over this I best just put initials or nicknames... but that isn't really part of this post.

D " Who is Michael Jackson ? Is he one of our presidents"
C "No, he just sings some songs"

Welcome !

Last summer I was talking to my sister in law Betsy. She was telling me that I should make a blog to tell of my exciting life. Silly her, I actually don't lead an exciting life. I do however, spend most of my days with some pretty entertaining children. I thought I would share with you the funny things they say. Enjoy... or don't...